Updated: 7 days ago
Powerful questions to help you start developing a better relationship with the fears holding you back and 3 great Somatic Exercises to help start to release it.
One of our strongest and most powerful emotions. The one that freezes you, keeps you small and paralyses your potential.
You want to drop it - everyone around you sounds like:
Just do it
Give it a go
Get over it
If I can, you can
But in all honesty, when you deeply believe and feel, however irrational it may seem, that something could potentially harm you or go wrong if you do that THING you want to do, we meet up with RESISTANCE, AVOIDANCE, PROCRASTINATION and STAGNATION.
Both physically and emotionally.
We KNOW that when we stagnate, this often leads to feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, isolation and the big one...NOT FEELING GOOD ENOUGH.
So you don't do that thing!
Perhaps you plan to. Perhaps you excuse yourself and justify why you just aren't ready yet or have other priorities just now or believe, there is plenty of time and it will happen when you're ready.
But again, deep down, you know you're scared of it and you KNOW these are excuses, but did you realise the severe IMPACT these excuses have on your CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM??
Did you realise that every time you make that excuse and 'put off' that THING, YOU knock and chip away at your own TRUST and SELF-RESPECT.
Which is ironic, because your fear is most of the time likely linked to social acceptance and connection for survival and worrying about what OTHERS think...
But the REAL damage is how YOU believe, think and feel about YOURSELF.
POWER QUESTION: How long have you held onto this fear for?
If I'm totally honest with you, of course I'm scared to write this blog, to write my book, to show up on social media, do that LIVE, run that Circle, Coach that client...
Truth be told, deep down inside...sometimes terrified.
I feel it in the pit of my stomach and sometimes that FEAR grows and rises up to my throat.
How long have I felt this way?
Since the very first time I was laughed at in School! For me personally, it reaches all the way back to Primary School.
POWER QUESTION: Can you remember when you first felt this feeling? When was it and what happened?
You see, the situation can change. I wasn't a Therapist when I was 8 Years old in the classroom that day, but the physical FEELING feels the same to me now as it did back then.
Your brain and body is wired up to protect you on its most basic level for survival.
You truly do want to feel and be loved, cared for, accepted and connected.
But if you do that THING you're terrified about doing, WHAT IF!!
When we allow ourselves to spin around WHAT IF with negative thoughts and potentially harmful outcomes, just NOTICE you are the one choosing to see it as a negative.
The WHAT IF could also be seen as a SUCCESS and have attached to it amazing positive outcomes for you.
So which side of the table are you currently sitting on?
Just NOTICE! If you are sitting on the DOOM side of the room, so are a lot of us. If not most of us and you are NOT alone, but it's important to recognise where you're sat!
This is AWARENESS - The first step to overcoming FEAR - To be aware of how you truly feel, what you're truly scared of and ACKNOWLEDGE IT!
It isn't going anywhere. It's mighty stubborn that FEAR!
Here's another truth...
Your FEAR wants to speak to you. It wants love, care and acceptance too.
I honestly learnt for myself over the years that FEAR is here to stay. It GUIDES ME.
Rather than hate it, my biggest tip to you is to start LOVING it.
LOVE YOUR FEAR!
If you saw a child screaming outside of the school gates, shouting for 'Mummy,' falling to the floor and refusing to go inside...Would you just ignore, avoid and leave that child on their own?
You essentially do this to yourself every time you choose NOT to take that ACTION you're scared of.
You leave yourself sitting there in the playground alone.
So, let's start by developing a loving relationship with your FEAR.
This is honestly one of my most favourite breakthrough moments with clients when we learn a variety of tools and techniques to do just this, mind, body and soul.
POWER QUESTION: How real is your fear?
It's important to show it respect and understand from 1 to 10, (10 being very strong) how strong the feeling of fear is for you.
What's the score?
When you are aware of how strong the fear feels for you personally, then it's time to really find out the nitty gritty details of the fear.
Many clients who have been holding this fear in for years feel blocked and find it very difficult to describe their fear, let alone what it's really about or where it's truly coming from and often, a client may say, 'I don't know. I just fear it.'
This is SO natural and let me tell you, before I had support in breaking down and connecting to my feelings, I would've and did say the same thing to my coach!
In fact, 'I don't know,' came up a LOT!
So if you're feeling the same way, just realise you're blocked right now and that's OK too!
It's where we all start from!
This leads me to a wonderful anecdote that I'd love to share with you on exactly this, where it STARTS FROM...
Back in 2012, I was living in Penang, Malaysia, having quite frankly, the time of my life after my divorce. This was my era and phase of shaking it off and proving to myself that I could do anything, go anywhere and just be me...so I did it in Asia!
I laugh when I think back to this time, being a redhead and totally unable to spend 3 minutes out in the sun, so what on earth possessed me to live near the equator, I will never know. I remember spending most days in aircon and I only came out at night!
But one night, I went to a talk. My first talk which was being held by a very well respected Guru.
I can honestly say, listening to this woman, her stance, her calming energy and her wisdom...it gave me shivers listening to her, the kind that wakes up your soul.
She shared a beautiful story about Sun Scars.
That the feeling within your body and soul has been past down to you from another person's Sun Scar, which got past down to them and so on.
That our bodies memorise those deep emotions and she asked us to consider that perhaps an emotion we're experiencing may be from a previous Sun Scar in the past.
Very often, we truly 'don't know' how or why, but we feel it.
Like the water running from the top of the mountain, to the streams, to the falls, rivers and to the sea.
That everything is a beautiful natural cycle and your FEARS which feel like waves lapping over you, probably started right at the top of the mountain from the past, your past or someone else's past.
Let it GUIDE YOU along your journey back to you.
I have held onto that amazing evening ever since. I can honestly say this was a moment for me when I first started to learn how to DETACH from my feelings but it took years to get right with many bumps along the way since then.
But I got curious with myself and the cycle. So I encourage you, wherever you are right now in your journey to healing, to start getting curious.
3 SOMATIC HEALING EXERCISES TO HELP YOU GET STARTED...
1) FACE & MEET IT
Sit with your FEAR as if it was that little child screaming, unable to go into school and connect with it.
How does the Fear feel?
Where does it show up within you and like to hangout?
Where does it come from?
What does it want to say?
Grab your journal and connect with your fear and start developing a loving relationship with it.
Physical pen to paper activates your natural senses from the touch of the pen, to seeing the words with your eyes. It all helps your mind to truly understand.
2) SHOUT "FORE"
SHOUT "FORE" - Like on a golf course, shouting FORE to warn other golfers the ball is coming.
I created this to help me remember that FEAR is:
When we remember it's a survival mechanism, we can detach, ask if it's true and release it from our bodies physically by shouting out loud.
The vibrations created from the shouting itself releases stored tension and helps calm down our nervous system. Specifically, activating our parasympathetic nervous system responsible for relaxation.
Now maybe, we can understand why so many children scream and shout!
We instinctively know how to do this as children but then adults step in and control the noise! If you feel the need to scream and let it out, go for it. It's truly powerful. Go out into your car, shout there, into a pillow or on a rock somewhere. It doesn't matter how, but LET IT OUT!
3) Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
Tapping your body whilst using mantras and authentic affirmations that work for you is an incredibly powerful way to help release stored and trapped emotions. It will help you feel positive, calm and connected to yourself.
Here's a lovely Mantra for you to use:
Are you ready to embark on your Somatic Healing Journey?
Here's how you can jump in and connect with me in a variety of ways. I look forward to meeting you.
'I just have to say this woman is amazing! Every time she posts she gives such valuable insight with compassion and calm and after watching for a while, I then did some coaching with this lovely lady who had me so at ease yet pushed me just that bit out of my comfort zone with absolutely amazing breakthroughs and results in just a short space of time. Even my 13 year old son joins in the tasks too and has now taken to doing meditations himself too. I am so grateful to have met Sam, I genuinely believe it was just at the right time for me and I value the new habits she's helped me create in our lives.' ~ Claire Fraser, 2021 ~
Always by your side whilst you rediscover yourself with love.
Samantha Jane x