Updated: Dec 30, 2022
Artist Credit: Lois Pedley @loispedley_art
I’m not going to lie.
It’s taken me 6 months to put this specific blog together for you.
I approached the wonderful artist Lois Pedley back in December 2020 for permission to share her beautiful drawing above to accompany it.
Everything about this image just completely spoke to me and depicted exactly what Overwhelm feels like to me. (Do check her out! She's a beautiful artist!)
You won’t ever find on my blogs anything about how to write to do lists and keep your space organised to help you lessen the feeling.
Whilst tips like this do help, sometimes, when you feel completely taken over by it all, hearing tips like this just annoys you quite frankly because as a working, single mum, sometimes, our home is just a mess and it may be that way for months or years.
That’s just how it is.
We all know you can spend the defeating energy to clean and tidy, only for your little rascal to reset it back to sh*t after 5 minutes.
It’s a waste of your time.
Until your child is old enough to understand and know how to clear up after themselves, just accept this part of your home life is what it is!
My first TIP here: ACCEPTANCE & AWARENESS - grab your phone and laptop and do that live in your car or do your work somewhere nice outside. Change your environment and leave the sh*t back home!
Let’s call this PHASE 1!
Awareness of how you're feeling, how it's showing up for you and giving yourself a break.
How is it showing up for you?
Here are some of the ways Overwhelm can present itself through your behaviour and how it can show up in your body...
PHASE 2 - Other People's Sh*t, is NOT yours to own!
One of the biggest feelings, deep behind my feelings of overwhelm when I last went through phase 1, was the heavy burden of GUILT!
That I was failing my son.
The anxiety of judgement when family comments were made about how I SHOULD be living and organising my life and home and I just fell into procrastination and suffered HUGE creative roadblocks!
Can you relate?
Oh the anger that spills through your guts when someone dares to comment about how you SHOULD be doing things!
As Helen Mirren reminds us, FUCK OFF is the only decent response to that!
Was it my need to be perfect or theirs?
Ask yourself if the person who makes such comments is a busy, self-employed, single mum. Nowhere near? That’s what I figured!
I know I’m not perfect and I’m OK with things being untidy when they have to be because...
I choose to prioritise other things that are more important to me.
Without realising, we know that others can unconsciously spill their issues onto us, which is ironic, because apparently my home was a mess and they just came and messed up my aura and emotional space even more with their BS!
Which it ALL IS by the way – Complete and utter BS!
When we hear people advising us to show ourselves love, compassion and understanding when we feel completely lost underneath a massive pile of life, it means realising THEIR SH*T IS NOT YOURS TO OWN.
Read that again...THEIR SH*T IS NOT YOURS TO OWN.
So the second and very important place to start with overwhelm is to seriously NOT TAKE ON OTHERS OPINIONS!
BELIEVE that how you are living is just right for you as your role of a working mother right now. Like Goldilocks.
BELIEVE you will eventually have things the way you want them around you.
BELIEVE you are doing the most AMAZING job right now with what you’ve got! One pair of hands, one heart, one mind and one body.
Spend time meditating on these beliefs until your mind, body and soul believes them. Even if it takes months to get there.
There is no race here!
VISUALISATION BUBBLE - Protect your energy, your choices, your life and feelings by visualising a protective bubble around you and if that sh*t comes your way, bounce it right back to them in your mind.
Show them compassion too. We all have Sunscars unhealed from past trauma. Very often their words and actions are unconscious and learned from their past.
Release yourself and stay grounded in your own energy.
Such visualisation moments take time to practise. Like building muscle, exercise your energy!
PHASE 3 - What is the REAL ROOT EMOTION you're feeling?
NOW, we’re finally in a place to address the REAL ROOT EMOTION to our Overwhelm.
Why is it taking me so long to do?
What is the EMOTION that you’re feeling?
Where has that EMOTION come from?
Where do you feel it in your body?
What am I avoiding?
Common phrases we label the issue with may sound similar to:
‘I’m just tired and busy!’
‘I’m just feeling exhausted!’
‘I don’t have the energy right now.’
‘I will do it soon.’
‘I’ve got so much on at the moment.’
These are all very true which is the hardest part! These aren’t lies. They’re not excuses either because these statements are true.
You DO feel tired, busy, exhausted, lethargic…
BUT THESE ARE NOT EMOTIONS.
Most clients I work with don’t know how to describe their feelings with REAL ROOT EMOTIONS.
Yes exhaustion is a feeling…but the REAL ROOT EMOTION behind that for example could be...
I feel lonely.
I feel unsupported.
Exhaustion is the result! The top symptom. Underneath that may possibly be a woman who doesn’t feel loved. Doesn’t feel supported. Feels lonely.
Or perhaps you are very supported, but you don’t believe what you have to say is GOOD ENOUGH.
What are you honestly saying to yourself deep inside your body?
It’s hardly surprising to not feel good enough, if you’ve spent your entire life hearing the opinions and judgements of others around you about how you SHOULD be doing things. INCLUDING YOURSELF.
How THEY would be doing it…
How you SHOULD be doing it...
BUT THEY ARE NOT DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING!
I guarantee you, you would NEVER, EVER hear a single mum, badass, entrepreneur judge you for mess on your living room floor….EVER!!
This leads into...
PHASE 4 – CHOOSE YOUR CIRCLE WISELY
Choose who you want to learn and take advise from WISELY. Make sure those people resonate with WHO YOU ARE!
I like to keep PHASE 4 short and simple. Block like ripping off a plaster! Gone. Done. Next.
Some people may judge you for this.
I remember the day I walked into an entire staffroom of teachers the day after I BLOCKED the 'cool' group off my FACEBOOK!
Oh the looks! It was a great day.
Well, they showed their true colours and quite frankly my dear, I chose NOT to give a damn!
I went and sat with the people who I considered to be the truly COOL group! The souls I resonated with.
Those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind!
Then we finally get to Phase 5...
PHASE 5 – TAP TAP TAP it away
Combine Tapping & Acupressure with meditation and work through phases 1 to 4 repeatedly until your body believes you too!
Don’t forget, we can’t just work on MINDSET alone.
Our body was triggered when we felt deep anger when someone commented on the mess right?
Years and years of comments have been stored and your body physically reacts and feels triggered every time it happens.
Find the time for physical release tools daily to help your body and mind work together to heal.
Are you ready to embark on your Somatic Healing Journey?
Book your FREE call with me today...
ESSENTIAL OIL BLEND: For additional support, inhale a safe blend of Clary Sage & Lime (5 drops Clary Sage and 2 drops Lime). Both clearing and uplifting.
(Never add oils directly to your skin without a carrier oil or digest. Some oils have contraindication so be sure to check they're safe for you first. As a qualified Aromatherapist, if you're ever in doubt, feel free to ask me.)
Let’s take another quick look at the 5 phases to deeply help yourself overcome Overwhelm from the root cause:
PHASE 1 – ACCEPTANCE & AWARENESS – You are where are right now which is JUST right and you can change your space to lovely place outside to allow for your creative to rise up. To be aware of how Overwhelm shows up for you in your behaviour and how it presents as physical symptoms.
PHASE 2 – OTHER PEOPLE’s SH*T IS NOT YOURS TO OWN. Recognise it and reject it!
PHASE 3 – WHAT IS THE REAL ROOT EMOTION YOU’RE FEELING? Learn how to get past the symptoms and find the EMOTION. Your truth…and FACE IT!
PHASE 4 – CHOOSE YOUR CIRCLE WISELY – Find your Tribe! Other women just like you who you can laugh with about all of this. It happens to us all. It’s real. Your creative soul is dying to break free and trust that it will, but you’ve got to fix your environment for overwhelm and feelings of not being good enough and this DOES NOT MEAN tidying your stuff.
PHASE 5 – TAP, TAP, TAP it away! – Find time daily to combine physical release activities to help your mind and body to somatically heal itself.
Be proud of yourself for every single step you take, however slow.
It's been a pleasure FINALLY putting this together for you. We always get there in the end.
Enjoy the journey.
How did this resonate for you?
I'd love to know and hear from you.
Samantha Jane x