Updated: Dec 29, 2022
Why we continue to self-sabotage and procrastinate and KEY ways to STOP it and move forward... Why we say, 'there's always tomorrow!' and why it never comes...
Why do we self-sabotage?
Why do we procrastinate?
Recently, very honest questions asked with clients and the journey of researching answers to these questions with over 200 women has been astounding!
We really do already KNOW WHY. What we don't know is HOW to get out of the block!
The gun is going off and we're just stood there...frozen!
Our feet firmly planted in the dreaded Feedback Loop Zone of FEAR!
It's too easy to just say, 'I'm scared!' YES FEAR is a huge part to play, but knowing this isn't enough to get us shifting.
Beautiful responses sent to me sounded like this:
Avoiding the risk of pain and rejection
The need for control
Substances for distraction
Unable to say NO
Low self-esteem and self-doubt
Familiarity feels safer
Fear of criticism and judgement from others
Trapped in unconscious programming, negative beliefs
Modelling - It's what was learnt
The need for pressure
If we don't start, we won't fail
There are SO many reasons, it is any wonder we suffer total EMOTIONAL exhaustion and overwhelm? It's far easier to stay put!
Until of course, the pain of not living fully aligned to your purpose with joy gets too much to bare but the reality of TIME truly has then past you by.
One of the MOST COMMON responses was; 'There's always tomorrow!'
It's exactly what most of us tell ourselves.
So let's dig a little deeper...
There are TWO ingredients that are ESSENTIAL for breaking ourselves out of the block:
SELF-FORGIVENESS and SELF-ACCEPTANCE
Sounds too easy, but it's incredibly difficult to provide yourself these when you believe you're not good enough!
So let's EMPOWER ourselves with a little more knowledge here:
Every one of us has a natural, emotional thermostat that keeps us regulated to feeling safe...again...from the hunters back in the dark ages! Thank you BRAIN!
But at SOME POINT in your past, NOT doing an action did benefit you and it kept you safe from further harm.
Trauma is NOT what happened to us, but how we responded to and internalised it.
We learnt that by NOT doing this thing, we would survive.
However, that was then, for that moment of your life.
There are three Powerful Questions to ask yourself:
What belief have I held onto for all these years?
Is this belief still serving me now?
How is this belief holding me back?
We don't have to stay inside this story anymore.
Even deeper than this are not just the list of reasons above as to WHY we self-sabotage and procrastinate, but personal habits also play a huge part to play and these were NOT listed when I asked Women WHY they think we do this.
I found this so interesting, because again, we are focused mainly on the fear but not the habits that WE design and play out daily to compound that fear.
So let's take a look at some common personal obstacles/habits that hold us back...
Making bad assumptions (truly made up stories of what we think others are thinking)
Seeking external recognition and validation
Poor sleep routines
Reluctance in sharing information
Unwillingness to forgive yourself or others
Unwilling to embrace past successes
Lack of desire to find out more knowledge
Resistance to change
Again, there are many more, but you can see that YES, we may have a fear of being judged, but this plays out in our behaviour and habits, for example, making bad assumptions.
Can you recognise any of these for yourself?
Even now, with this knowledge, we're still NOT ready to put action steps into place because we now must assess what all this sounds like...
1. Take some deep breaths to ground yourself (inhale for 4, hold for 5 and exhale for 6). Repeat until you feel ready.
2. Place your hand on your heart and listen to yourself...think about the one thing you REALLY desire for yourself at this moment. What are you saying in your own words?
This can be a very moving experience, but worth it, so be kind to yourself in this moment...
Sabotage could sound like (but not limited to):
'I am tired all the time'
'I have too much going on'
'I really need to sleep and rest'
'I have tried that before'
'I am not a morning person' (my personal favourite!)
'I'm already doing x, y and z though'
'I will never...'
'I can do this tomorrow'
Now catch them all as they rise up and write them all down. You may surprise yourself!
What have you discovered?
Are they true?
Now imagine having said these things for 20+ years to yourself!!
THAT's WHY we can't get out of the block!
We must take full responsibility for how we've fed ourselves these thoughts and this is why SELF-FORGIVENESS and SELF-ACCEPTANCE are two key ingredients needed before we can tackle action!
You can do this!
You deserve to find this for yourself!
I can share wholeheartedly that I did not get out of the block until I worked on these two ESSENTIAL ingredients!
I can tell you that it is worth it!
Are you ready to embark on your Somatic Healing Journey?
Here's how you can jump in and connect with me in a variety of ways. I look forward to meeting you.
Sam is a very kind, gentle soul, she was patient and calm, and made me realise what I was missing in my life! She made me question why I do things, took me back to my younger self and helped me to make changes that benefited me immensely!! Be prepared to go deep and let out your emotions! I usually find it very difficult to show my emotions, but I had uncontrollable tears streaming down my face! It's the most amazing journey you can go on, so if you are wanting to improve yourself in any way, Sam will be able to help you. I'm truly grateful for every second I spent with her, she is a powerful lady and has given me so many nuggets of information that I can use to move forward in my life! Invest in yourself. It will be the best money you ever spent if you have Sam as your therapy coach.~ Annie Lightfoot, 2022 ~
Always by your side whilst you rediscover yourself with love.
Samantha Jane x